Drunken Miscommunications
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: In which Bickslow breaks up with Lisanna, possibly murders her, burns all his bridges with his friends, and learns a new way of saying goodbye all in twenty-four hours. Basically, he has the day of his life and is too hungover to enjoy it. - One-shot.


Drunken Miscommunications

Bickslow awoke to a pounding headache and a very cold sweat. Oh, and flashes of the night before.

If those flashes were to be believed, it had not been very good.

There was one of him and Lisanna, going out. Then drinking. And more drinking. Some partying. There's boss! Laxus! And Freed. And Mirajane. And…a lot of black. Then fighting. Yelling. And-

"Oh no," he whispered as he rubbed his palms into his eyes, as if to block out the light. "Lissy."

He remembered (sorta) them having a big blow out fight and, the last thing he remembered before passing out on the couch, was very clearly breaking up with her for good.

But that was the thing! It wasn't for good. He didn't want it to be for good. Not now that he was awake and sober and _had a really mind numbing headache_. Gah! Did he have bleeding on the brain or something? Sheesh.

Falling back onto the couch, he pressed a hand to his head and squeezed his eyes shut. Ooh. Stay inside and shut all the blinds or go and get Lissy back? Decisions, decisions.

Eventually, he got back to his feet and, after a trip to the kitchen to find some alcohol to help him through his troubles, he set out on his mission. The seith even left his babies behind, not going into the bedroom to awaken them. Didn't even go in there to get some new clothes. To change. There was no time! Not when Lissy was on the line. Even his visor got left behind. It was that important.

So, first he went to Lisanna's apartment. It wasn't far. He knocked and knocked, but got no answer. And when he used his key to get in, he found that she wasn't home. It didn't look like she had been all night.

Huh.

That meant that she was missing.

Which meant that in a blind fit of rage he might have killed her.

He very well could be a wanted fugitive at that point.

A love torn wanted fugitive.

It fit very well with the dark hero persona he had (no matter how many times Laxus insisted he didn't).

That was how he showed up at Freed's place, contemplating his life on the run, banging loudly on the door while he was at it. Not that he had much of a chance. The thing was flung open almost immediately.

" _You_ ," his teammate hissed when he saw him.

"Freed, I need your help," he said quickly then, trying to shove his way into the apartment. "Remember when you threw that party here?"

"You mean last night when you trashed my apartment?"

"I mean when I was partying and me and Lissy got into a fight."

"It was a dinner party!"

"Uh, you said party and my brain completely toned out the rest."

"You and your girlfriend showed up drunk, got into a fight, spilled drinks on Laxus-"

"Oy, you're giving me a headache," he complained as the other man shut the door. "More than the one I have now."

"Bickslow-"

"I just need to know if you know where Lisanna is. Or what happened. Why did we fight?"

"How should I know?"

"Freed, man, this is serious," the seith insisted. "We broke up."

The letter mage only blinked. "I'm sure that you find this concerning, but I for one embrace it."

"Freed!"

"Well."

"I think I might have killed her."

"You what?" That got the reaction he wanted. "W-Why do you think that?"

"I dunno. Because I'm a dark hero type and it fits very well with my-"

"Now you're getting on my nerves," the man said with a frown, his worry fleeing. The idiot.

"I just need to know why we fought," he insisted. "And where Lissy is."

"Have you tried, gee, I dunno, her house?"

"…Don't use these fancy detective skills on me, buddy."

With a huff, he looked off. "I was very upset with the two of you and let Ever and Elfman deal with you. You'd already pissed the rest of us off. Perhaps they know where she is."

"Great! I'll just go check in with Evergreen. She loves me, you know."

"She hates you as of last night."

Still, Bickslow went over to the other man and, much to Freed's horror, grabbed his face in his hands before pressing a big kiss to the top of his head.

"W-Why would you-"

"Thanks, man." Then he patted the blushing man on the head. "See you around, eh?"

"If that is your new farewell, find a new one," Freed told him harshly. "Not everyone will take to it."

"Course they will."

"I find that unlikely."

Still, it got rid of the seith, anyhow, which Freed chalked up to a win. As soon as he was gone though, he rushed off to go wash his face. As close as the two were, that was definitely something he'd have liked to avoid.

Definitely.

Bickslow though was already onto the next phase of winning Lissy back. Or making up with her. Maybe. If she wasn't dead. And if when he found out what they were fighting over he didn't hate her guts. Which he wouldn't. Ever. So it was a pretty safe bet that they'd be back together by the end of the day. Again, so long as she wasn't dead. Because he'd love the kid through anything, but necrophilia wasn't his thing.

Sorry.

"Ever," he called out as he banged on the door to the old Strauss residence. Since Lisanna and Mira had both moved out, leaving it to Elfman, it had more or less become Ever's home too. Even though she still paid for it, her room at the dormitory saw more nights without her than with. "Are you home? I need you! And your big oaf of a boyfriend, but hopefully just you. I- Oh. Hi, Ever. Why are you glaring at me?"

The woman, who'd opened the front door to find him standing there, looked ready to turn him to stone, honestly. And, when she reached to mess with her glasses, he covered his eyes.

"I knew I should have brought my visor."

"What," she hissed, "do you want?"

Still with his hands over his eyes, the seith said, "To come in would be nice."

"You have literally twenty seconds, Bickslow, before I go and wake Elfman. And if you remember anything about last night-"

"Bits and pieces."

"-then you know that you're the last person he wants to see right now."

"Well, I'd like to think that the grim reaper would beat me out-"

"What do you want?"

"It's Lissy, see?"

"No, I don't see. And don't care. Now go away before-"

"Before what? You think I'm afraid of Elfman?"

"Considering you're slowly backing away as you're asking that, I would go with yes."

"Bah!" Still, he didn't drop his hands from over his eyes. "I ain't afraid of nothin'."

"Oh really?"

"Really."

"Then drop your hands, Bickslow. Our own game of quick draw. Will you turn to stone or will I be under your control? Who's faster? Me or you?"

"Stop it, Ever! You know I hate that game."

"Because you always lose."

"Yeah, but I'd still like it if you weren't such a sore winner all the time and try to break my statue." Without Freed around to stop her and with her already being so pissed at him, the whole thing just spelled out trouble. "'sides, I got important business right now."

"What?"

"I think me and Lissy broke up last night and I have to fix it. And fast. So-"

"Uh, how about no?" She crossed her arms then. "You two idiots ruined Freed's dinner party last night with your stupid fighting. You ruin everything with your stupid fighting. And then, when you've made up, you ruin everything else by being annoying together."

"You're going to have to be more clear. What are you telling me?"

"I'm telling you, idiot, that I'm not helping get the two of you back together. Sorry."

"Evergreen-"

"This is coming from someone who's dating her brother and is going to have to put up with the awkwardness of this all going to shit," the woman told him as she moved to close the door. "The two of you? It's not working out. And you should be old enough to know, Bickslow, when to just end something."

"But-"

"Leave it as it is. It was fun, but just bothersome."

"No, Ever! I-"

"Evergreen? Is that who I think it is?"

Bickslow dropped his hands and Ever widened her eyes.

"You better go-"

"I am! Trust me!"

"Ever?" Elfman called again. "Is that Bickslow?"

"Look, I can't help you," she said, "but it was Mirajane and Laxus that walked the two of you home last night. Maybe-"

"Alright on it," he said before coming over to her.

"What are you- Ew! Bickslow!"

He just kissed her head. "Bye!"

"I'm gonna kill you!"

"Hold him off, huh? I think I can out run him if I get a head start. Or if I don't. I'm pretty dang fast when I-"

"Bickslow, just go!"

"Right." Snicker. "See ya, Ever."

Great. So he'd gotten no closer to find Lisanna. The good news was that some things were coming back to him including spilling those drinks on Laxus (yes, plural) as well as him and Elfman getting into it, but had yet to recall any murdering of poor Lissy. So that had to count for something.

Right?

Right.

At least he hoped.

So the next stop was Laxus and Mirajane's home. He always liked going there. It was such a nice house that they'd bought. They had all sorts of cool things there. Like pictures on the walls and an actual matching set of furniture in the living room.

They were real adult, the demon and the dragon. Something to aspire to be. One day. Not that day, of course, but one day. Maybe in another, oh, twenty years or so? Give or take. Mostly give.

When he got there, they were actually out in their front yard. Laxus was busy cutting a few tree limbs while Mira sat on the front porch steps, calling out to him at times as she flipped through a magazine.

"-new dress, but-"

"Demon, I thought we went over what a waste of jewels it is for me to buy you things when, obviously, you can just transform into them. Can't you? Isn't that the point of transformation magic?"

"It's not the same, Lax."

"Uh, if it saves me money, I don't see what difference it makes."

"You're being mean."

"Am not."

"Fine. I'll just use my own jewels."

"Oh, no you won't. You have enough clothes in your closet."

"You can't tell me what to do. And last time I checked, your side of the closet is just as filled."

"Uh, yeah, Mira, because I have literally a fourth of the closet. I can only fit ten shirts in there!"

"Yeah, but- Uh-oh."

Laxus glanced over his shoulder and, with a frown, chopped one last branch before dropping the clippers and take a step back from the tree.

"Oy, boss, you're lookin' real-"

"What," Laxus growled as he turned to glare at the seith, "are you doing here?"

"Heh?"

"Bickslow." For once, when Mira said his name, she didn't giggle or even wave. Just stared over at him blankly. "Laxus isn't in the mood for your antics today, alright?"

"What did I-"

"Don't you talk to my demon," the slayer growled. "After how you treated her sister yesterday, you're lucky I don't let her go demonic on your-"

"Dragon."

Growling, he just kept his gaze focused on Bickslow. "What are you doing here, Bickslow? This is the last time I ask you before I fry you."

Was he that bad the previous night? That he'd burned all the people in his life so quickly? And apparently horribly.

Huh. He always thought he was funny drunk. But the past few times he'd gotten wasted, it'd only ended badly.

Maybe it was time to cut back on the booze…

Or become better friends with Cana.

Meh.

"Hold up, boss!" Bickslow tossed his hands in the air, as if to shield himself as he slowly came closer. "I ain't here to fight."

"I ain't askin' again."

"I just… Do you guys know where Lissy is?"

"No," Mira said from the porch. "Why?"

"W-Well, I know that we fought last night and…" He almost told them about the _possible_ killing, but figured that it was better not to be killed by the she-devil before he got to the bottom of everything. "I think we broke up. Or something. I don't really remember last night that much, but Freed and Ever acted like I did some really horrible-"

"You did!" Laxus was bucking up once more. "I loved that damn shirt! Demon, wasn't it a good shirt?"

"It was a good shirt."

"And you spilled beer on it, then you spilled red wine on it, and that freaking soda-"

"Don't forget the milk, Lax."

"Oy." Bickslow pressed a hand to his head. "What all did I drink last night?"

"The demon can't get all those stains out," Laxus went on. "She's tried."

"I have."

"What am I supposed to do, you dope? Huh?"

"Uh…buy another one?"

"Buy," Laxus hissed, "another one?"

"Err…I'll buy you another? I guess?"

"You better more than fucking guess, you stupid-"

"Dragon."

He huffed once more. "I wear a size-"

"Boss, I'll get you the stupid shirt, alright? This is about Lisanna right now."

"This is about whatever the hell I want it to be about."

"Boss-"

"When we walked you home last night," Mirajane spoke up then, "she was insistent that she go home with you for some reason. And we were so done with both of you that we let her. Whatever happened after that happened without us. I'm sorry, Bickslow."

"B-But I've gone everywhere! Other than, like, the guildhall. Or the park. Or the train station. Or Natsu's place. She's friends with him. And Levy. Oh and Lucy. And Erza and-"

"Mira, please just let me shoot him with one bolt. Please."

"No, dragon."

Bickslow only hung his head. "Kid, where can you be? I need you."

Sighing then, Laxus relaxed some as he walked over to the seith. Reaching out to pat him on the head, he said, "Look, I'm sure she's just mad at you. Give it a day or two, huh? You two need to decompress, yeah? And then, maybe, you can talk it out or something. I dunno. But I do know that you owe me that damn shirt. Got it?"

Slowly, the seith nodded. "Oy, boss. Thanks."

"No prob- Oh yuck! What the fuck are you doing?"

He could only snicker though after leaning up to press a kiss to Laxus' head. "That's my new goodbye! I-"

"Bickslow, run. Dragon, leave him alone." Mira was rushing over to go grab Laxus. "Seriously, he-"

"I'm gonna shoot him. Come here, Bickslow. You stupid little-"

"Boss! No! I'm not a conductor! I'll be killed or something. I'm not sure how electrocution works, but-"

"C'mere and I'll show ya!"

"Dragon!"

Boy, he sure was having to run for it a lot that day.

Maybe his new farewell wasn't working out.

Nah.

After losing Laxus (more like Mira convinced him to stop giving chase), Bickslow took to walking around the city a little, head down and remorseful. If he had killed Lisanna (he wasn't giving up on that one just yet) where would he hide her body? And should he just confess? Or fight it to the bitter end? Which would she rather?

Bitter end. Or at least he would.

When he finally got home, he was rather sullen still and, not even stopping to collapse on the couch, he only called out to his dolls.

"Babies! Papa needs you."

Going into his bedroom, he thought that he would be greeted by only his dolls and that they could just go fall into bed to lament about what a horrible predicament they were in. He found his dolls in there, sure, but also, curled up in his bed with all the blinds drawn and her eyes skewed shut was none other than Lisanna.

"Lissy!"

"What," she groaned as he made a running dive for the bed, narrowly avoiding landing on her and his dolls who were in the bed with her, "are you doing, Bickslow?"

"I thought I killed you!"

"What?"

"Err…forget about that." He only pulled her into his arms, ignoring the woman's protests. "Lissy, where have you been?"

"What are you talking about? I've been in here since last night."

"Heh?" Oops. So all that was for nothing, huh? "B-But I thought that we broke up?"

"When?"

"Last night. We were fighting and yelling and-"

"And you passed out, on the couch, and I went to bed. Now leave me alone." She shoved him off before moving to lay back down. "I have a horrible headache."

"Me too," he whispered as his babies took to the air, though it was just to come land on Lisanna's back as she buried her head in a pillow. "Uh, Lissy?"

"What do you want?"

"…Are we still fighting?'

"We are if you don't shut up."

Ooh. Lissy was not a good one when it came to hangovers.

Slowly, he relaxed into the bed as well. "Uh, one more thing?"

"What, Bickslow?" she groaned.

"W-What were we fightin' over? Last night? I mean-"

"You freaking kissed the woman that brought the takeout."

"Eh?"

"At Freed's party. You kissed her and-"

"That's it!" He bolted right back up as she only groaned some more. "That's where I got it!"

"Got what? Obviously not an inside voice indicator."

He only grinned at her though. "I remember now. I was too drunk to explain last ngiht and you were yelling at me and, well-"

"What, Bickslow? Huh?"

"It's my new thing, Lissy," he told her. "I saw someone do it and thought I should."

"Do what?"

"Kiss people goodbye. It's a cultural thing."

"It's not our culture."

"But I'm making it part of my life now. I did it to Freed and Ever and Laxus-"

"If you keep going and say you kissed my sister, I'll slug you."

Ooh. Lissy was _really_ not a good one when it came to hangovers.

"Lisanna-"

"You're not kissing people goodbye. For one, I don't like it."

"Obviously."

"And for two, Bickslow, I doubt that any of those people want your nasty lips on them."

"Words hurt."

"I'm serious. It's gross-"

"Grosser."

"Grossest."

"Lisanna-"

"No." She lifted her head, if only for a moment, so that she could grab the pillow before putting it over the back of her head. Voice muffled even further, she grumbled, "You're not kissing other people."

"Mmmm…what if I have to give someone CPR?"

"Can you give CPR?"

"No."

"Then no."

"Well, I hope your sister's life is never on the line-"

"I mean it, Bickslow. Kiss Mira and I'll hit you."

"My fragile body can't handle that!"

"Bickslow-"

"Alright, alright." He fell back onto the bed again. "I won't kiss other people. But it'd be a damn good farewell."

"Mmmm." Then, "Did you really kiss Laxus?"

"Yeah, about that, we might not be able to go to the boss and your sister's place for awhile."

"Freed? And Ever too?"

"…We better just stay in this damn apartment for a few days."

For a minute or two, they let themselves fall quiet as Lisanna tried to drift off and Bickslow thought about his day. It was pretty tedious, but fun. And wasn't that the point?

"Uh, Lissy?"

"Shut up. Seriously."

"Just one more thing." Glancing over at her, he asked, "If I killed you in a fit of rage or something, would you want me to confess? Or fight to the bitter end?"

From under the pillow, she rolled her eyes before shutting them again.

"Bitter end."

"Thought so."

"Not that it'll matter."

"Eh?"

"The Devil Mirajane and Beast Arm Elfman are going to kill you regardless. And they're with the true Queen of the Fairies _and_ the Thunder God. Not to mention, Freed will do anything they say. So that's the Dark on my side too."

He gulped. "Yeah, I think I'll just keep my fits of rages to myself."

"Thought so."

"And you're not winning any points with Ever for that Titania quip, you little suck up."

"Meh."

* * *

 **I'm in a Bickslow and Lisanna mood. It happens.**


End file.
